I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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