My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
