after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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