the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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