I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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