Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
