I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
