this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
