Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
