i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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