she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
