Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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