We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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