that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
