hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize