period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
