i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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