This is not my ceiling
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
