I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I am morally bankrupt
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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