I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
