I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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