It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
