Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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