he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This baby is an asshole
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
