Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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