I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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