Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
