I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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