apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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