so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
