I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
