I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
