What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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