I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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