Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
