remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
