i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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