college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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