it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
