I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
