you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
