my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I said "one day" and that day is not today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
