I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize