Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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