after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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