Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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