Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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