Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
