Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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