We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
