I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
