My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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