just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
