it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
