I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
