I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
