So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
