I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
