apparently the secret to your success is patron
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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