This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
