I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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