it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
