but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
