Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
