Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
