I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
